Chapter 11
Fate shall decide
and Hope shall reward.
We watch in silence. Aragorn is dressed as a king. The boy whom Elrond had named Estel, after me, in Imladris, is outfitted, his armour bright, cape glossy and rich. His hair is combed and smooth. He waits as Gandalf holds up the Winged Crown of his forefathers. Usually the crown is passed, on the deathbed of a king to his firstborn, male or female. But Gandalf holds it high, above the head of Aragorn, in a courtyard of stone, where the White Tree of the King blooms once more.
He places it on Aragorn's head. "Now come the Days of the King. May they be blessed." Was all he said, yet it was enough to proclaim to all the Gondor and Arnor had a king once more. Aragorn, now Elessar, King of the reunited kingdoms. All stand and cheer loudly.
I smile as King Elessar speaks out. This day, he said, belonged to all. All swore allegiance to him, led by Faramir, son of Denethor, now Steward, and betrothed to Eomer's sister. Eomer, King of Rohan, had yet to be crowned, yet he and Elessar renewed their kingdoms' oath of friendship. Then came us all. The elves come forth, and awe ripples through the men and women present, at the sight. The children watch us, eyes wide, and petals rain softly as I come forth, wearing the diadem, which I had been crowned, in my finest robes- I had finally touched a loom in nearly a century.
Elessar bows, in deference, yet so do I. "This would not have been possible without your planning, Great Queen." He whispers. "I am glad to have shared your name, even for a while." I shake my head. "This would not have been possible save for you." I say. And Arwen. I do not mention it, for soon he will see her.
Did I feel pain that my loved ones were not here, the Kings of Elf and Men? If so, I would not recall. Thranduil steps forth, and after him, Legolas. He and Elessar place their hands on the other's shoulder, each garbed in finery. Then behind him, Elessar sees after a banner bearing the White Tree is placed out of the way, her. Arwen, his beloved, whole and strong again, radiant with beauty.
They kiss and others cheer. I smile. All is well. When they meet the ringbearer and the other halflings, the small ones bow, yet Elessar states, no, they bow to no one. Could I have agreed more?
We knelt to them, all present.
A small bump of good may yet topple a great evil. I can smile now at that.
***
Afterwards while others feasted with song and dance, I stand out at a balcony. I smile. How is it, after centuries, I am finally at peace? Yet the pain does not fade. It will never fade. I sigh. I can barely keep a tear from coming.
"Not joining the celebrations?" I turn at the sound.
Gandalf stands behind me. "Olorin." I say, and I smile.
"You must be the only one to call me by that name now." He moves towards me.
I sigh. "My memories are long. I remember you as tall and strong in figure, with a mane of gold and no beard. Your skin was smooth and taut. The pupil of Queen Nienna and the servant of the King and Queen of the Ainur." He sighs, "How long has it been?" he asks, resting his arms against the railings. "Too long." I say quietly. "I still feel the pain now, of all that has been lost, yet I accept that pain will not go elsewhere. I have done something right, at least, in Middle-Earth."
He was silent. '"What will you do now?" He asks. I say, " I will relinquish the title of High Queen, I only took it to unite my peoples for their lives." "And then? What will you do?" I was silent.
"Why not return home?" "I have no home." I laugh harshly. "Aman is gone from the likes of me forever, the Feanorian. The Lord Namo pronounced doom upon my blood. I can never return and even if I could- I cannot. It will not be the same-a mere reminder of what I have lost, despite my purpose being fulfilled. The Noldor will soon depart completely, without me."
"So you shall stay, to wonder and lament?" he asks."No elf holds your blood against you. Your purpose on Middle-Earth is done. This is the choice before you: Stay and fade or leave for Valinor.The Messenger said as such."
I was startled. "What messenger? Why was I not told of this?"
"Because he had just arrived," Gandalf smiled. "he brought news from Valinor."
I blink. Since when do news and messages arrive from the land of the Undying? Now all that go there can never leave. He looked at me, "A herald of the King Manwe and the rest of the Valar."
Now I am astonished. "Why would any message of theirs concern me?"
"Because you were innocent, yet you still chose to take on burdens, larger than yourself for the sake of all peoples." he replied."Because you have redeemed the actions of your kin, long gone."
Is that possible? I cannot believe.
Yet Gandalf looks at me and says, "They have ordered you to return. Your purpose on Middle-Earth is done."
***
I stand in silence. I wait on the ship. It was lighter, narrower and more graceful than any made by men, painted white, and its mast shaped as a swan's head. Telerin. My mother's people. How could they have forgiven the Feanorions in Aman?
The ship needs little water to float, and less steering. The sail is down, silvery-white and we wait, anchored to the port of the Grey Havens. What will I find once I return? The Two Trees are gone, along with most of my loved ones. The Halflings arrive with Gandalf. Celeborn, Galadriel and Elrond stand before them and bow. "The Power of the Three Rings have ended. The time has come for the dominion of Men." Artanis speaks. Elrond says, "The sea calls us home." in the tongue of his fathers. All elves have in them a longing for the sea. I have longed for home, yet I feared what I would find- what I really wished for was the distant past.
Bilbo Baggins speaks, "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure." He moves forward and Elrond helps him on board. Artanis smiles at the halflings, and she and Celeborn board also. Gandalf then says his farewells. The halflings weep, but he states, not all tears are an evil. No? Well, he was the pupil of the Valie Nienna the Weeper, we learn from her, comfort and renewal in Hope. Was this her gift?
Gandalf turns and says, "Frodo, it is time." After saying painful farewells to them- did they know?- Frodo boards with Gandalf, he turns to them, smiling one last time, and how I wished I had said farewell to the ones I loved!
I am not the only one who watches this. Macalaure is here also, ready to leave at last.
The ship leaves. We sail between the two cliffs, towards the horizon. To Aman. To home.
***
Most of the journey I am silent. When we pass the cliffs, the light of the setting sun surrounds us. Frodo shields his eyes and covers Bilbo's. The blue of the waters meets the blue of the sky, then, all around us. We sail onwards, soon day changes to night. At first we think that the stars and sky were reflected below, then we realise that the waters and the skies of night were one. The water is the sky. We have entered Ekkaia, the ocean that encircled the world. Then we see a light, I fear that it is the star of Earendil, father to Elrond, for although I would greet Itarille's son, I could not see the star upon his brow- my grandfather's Silmaril. I turn and leave for the refuge of my cabin. There is a knock, when I sit upon my bed. "Uncle?"
"It is I." He opens the door and sits on my bed. He sighs. "You feel more pain, than even I. You were but a child. I was selfish to keep to myself and disappear, only lamenting. I believed if I were to remove myself, all those I loved would be better off, yet now I see that they suffer all the more for it."
He is silent. "Now we leave to Aman, I know not how others would react to seeing me." I felt shame that I should still fear the past, yet my uncle may still face the consequence of his shame. I remember that his wife and three children had left for Aman when they presumed him dead. They had asked me to come with them. I refused. I felt shame and knew the landing in Aman would be bittersweet. Besides my purpose had yet to be fulfilled, I sensed that. Yet now here we are. What now? Suddenly, a cry, "Tol Eressea!" Both he and I rush out. Artanis smiles and she is already there.
We see it.
"Tol Eressea." I whisper, as a child I had spent a summer there, with my parents. I see its port city, Avallone and it's beacon, shining towards us. We were in Valinor's waters. Artanis turns to me, her eyes shining bright. We return to our cabins to make ready. Now I wear a dress of my own creation, basic in original form, yet beautiful, it was white, cutting gracefully, narrowing at my waist, and my girdle was mithril with adamants, the same kind which fringed my gown, and minute diamonds dotted the surface. Why had I chosen this? And my circlet too, were delicate woven mithril and adamants. I knew not whether I should dress humbly, as a repentant Feanorian or as a triumphant queen. Yet that was ridiculous. What had I done? Eldar do not hold prejudices against the innocent. But do they forgive? Few of the Teleri had chosen to fight Morgoth after the Kinslaying. What of my uncle? What will any do? My hair is done in gentle waves, cascading to my waist in brightest pure copper, silver and gold. I brush it until it fanned slightly over my shoulders and wondered again if I should look repentant, not with tiny diamonds tied to many a tiny tress. I was being ridiculously fearful.
When I leave the cabin, the sun had begun to rise, and we saw the sight. Valinor. Land of my fathers.
There I see it, the mountains rising high, magnificent, crowned with snow. Taniquentil, home of the Valar rises higher than any. The waters have become bluer and sparkles and shine like gems, as do the sky above seem brighter. The green is richer than in Middle-Earth, brighter. The flowers like jewels from the earth. The sand is diamonds. We were home.
Taniquentil's peak shines high, like a beacon, signifying that this, truly was the Land of the Ainur.
When we reach shore the ship docks and the planks are pulled out for us. We disembark and as we do, I see a messenger, galloping towards us on a horse. He is Noldorin, and asks that we all leave for Tirion as soon as possible. Carriages are here for us. I stare at the vechiles invented by my gandfather, no horses needed. It has been too long.
When we reach the city. I manage not to gasp. Tirion. Just as I remembered. We mount the stairs and the city is deserted. I wonder if they wished to avoid me and my uncle.
Yet when we reach the palace and the doors swing open, I realise, it was otherwise. All of the Eldar, it seemed were here. And the Valar. I, in shock, manage to bow to them. Everyone claps, even the Valar and they cheer. I was stunned.
I then see another sight. An elf walks towards me, taller than any in the crowd. His hair is pure copper, blended with pure gold and his face is fair enough to be a Vala. His eyes were as mine, darkest blue, cut with a burning silver star which had been a harsh light in Carnistir, haughty in Tyelcormo's, mischievous in the twins, feverish in Curufinwe, yet gentle and kind in Macalaure. His light was gentle also, but strong, brave and true. Filled with love, and tenderness for me, mixed with pride. I knew who this was. But no, it cannot be....
My father. My king.
"Atar," I whisper.
He wraps me in his arms, embracing even as I weep. This I cannot believe. How can this be?
"My Little One," He whispers, drawing me close. "My Little Gem."
How can this be? The Lord Namo had sworn his Doom upon my father when he arrived in Middle-Earth. He had perished, my father, in a pit of molten rock. We could not even bury him.
He could not be brought back.
I whisper, "How can this be?"
My father leans back and whispers, "The Lord Namo may appear cold and merciless, but deep inside, he knows warmth, and he knows redemption and repentance. He is here, all your prayers heve been answered. Know then, that Eru and the Valar has always listened. You were never alone, not even as a child."
Tears appear in my eyes.
Another steps forward. I knew that radiance and beauty, that graceful walk, compared favourably to Luthien. I know the eyes, violet the richest and brightest kind, more deeply coloured. We were together, the family at last. The light of pure joy shines in her eyes..
My mother.
"Amil." I whisper. She holds her hands forward, and brushes my tears from my eyes. My mother, her eyes filled with love and tenderness. "Little One," She whispers, tears in her eyes. "We are here now and we will always be."
I see, through my tears, the light of smiling faces and bright joy. Macalaure is reunited with his wife and offspring. Tyelcormo laughs with his son and new daughter. Curufinwe smiles, with Telperinquar.
And I look at my father, now King of the Noldor in Valinor, as it should have been. All around, smiles are showing, joy and pride are mingled. Love and tenderness.
I would ask my father on Artanaro's fate.
That he did not know, he admitted, but he was hopeful that Artanaro may have been remade. He had yet to show himself. I smile, Hope is renewed. He mentions the man I also loved. Perhaps I might see him perhaps not, we were not sure. But at that moment I see the beautiful children of my memories, I may know the answer.
Top: arriving at the undying Lands at last. Second from Top Left: Aragorn/Elessar King of Gondor is reunited with Arwen. Secnd from Top Right: Gandalf in his true form as the Maia Olorin before he leaves for Middle-Earth. Above: Sailing for the Undying Lands Bottom: A View of the Undying Lands.
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